scream, shred your lungs
I feel like I have not been a very good friend to you…and things have changed so much, I think that is the reason why I grieve. I can still remember a time when I loved you so much to cry at night, and desperately wanted to save you from your darkness…and I can still remember the night I found your post about me, and you said the same. But the post is gone, and the blog is gone. And you, too, are going.
I do not blame you; it is just that I fear I hold you back. I fear that I have taken too much from you, and I fear myself, that I still desire to hold some part of you with me, forever. I am sorry I have done you wrong. If only there is a way to make things better.
But perhaps the betterment will come from time and distance…as much as I detest what those things do to relationships. You said that my friendship was of value to you…I feel I have not given you much friendship. I don’t even know you anymore. I can hardly keep up a productive conversation with you. I am so torn inside.
I hope that someday I can put this all behind me and say that you are still a good friend, in spite of it all. I am sorry……sorry that I seem incapable of doing it now.
I need to hear you louder now…
as yellowed pages worn with time
so silence ages memories
as faded golden threads to bind
these secrets that have never been…
